There's just something so alluring about bondage. It takes an immense amount of trust to hand over the reins, but the feeling of restriction can be thrilling. On the other hand, knowing how much power you have over a bound partner may feel intoxicating while the awareness of your responsibility keeps you grounded. Bondage can transform good sex into great sex. Of course, it makes for a wonderful photoshoot! You might have some false perceptions of bondage if you're a beginner; there is plenty of bad advice online. This post will bust some myths about bondage and set you up to successfully try it for yourself.
You must consider safety.
Even if you don't plan to engage in anything extreme, there's always a risk. For example, the fire alarm could go off while someone is bound, so you need a way to release them quickly. Or you might start to feel lightheaded because of your position or constricting binds, and you need to alert your partner before you pass out. It's always better to be safe than sorry, which is why two tools come in handy.
A pair of shears that cut through the bindings : A paramedic scissors is perfect because the rounded tips prevent you from cutting your partner. However, thicker binds or metal cuffs might require something as extreme as bolt cutters. Of course, having an extra key on hand when using metal or locked cuffs allows you to avoid catastrophe or using bolt cutters.
A safe word or gesture: Pick an easy-to-say and recall word that you can use if you need play to slow or stop. The traffic light system is excellent. Green indicates that everything is okay, while yellow signals that you want a slow or pause. Red, however, stops play entirely. If your mouth is bound, tapping out or dropping a ball are good options.
Before you dive into bondage, you'll find plenty of tutorials online and books to read to ensure you do it right. Get to know your tools. Develop a plan if something goes wrong that might include releasing a partner, providing them with care, or even calling 911. Finally, trust is essential. You should trust that your partner will heed your safe word and boundaries, so a first-time or casual partner may not be the best person to try bondage with. If you're tied up and experience any tingling, for example, you must tell your partner to allow them to adjust or let you free.
You do need to talk about it.
Although some people stumble into bondage accidentally, it's always better to have at least a brief conversation about it. This discussion might introduce the idea to your partner or simply confirm what you want. It establishes consent and boundary and is a vehicle for the safe word discussed above. These discussions are a great way to warn your partner about injuries or fears that you might need to work around during a scene.
The way you go about these discussions can impact your experiences or whether you get to try bondage at all. It helps to be specific, especially if you're not sure how your partner will respond. For example, if you just want your partner to tie your wrists together but you say you wanna try "rope stuff," they might assume you mean something more complex or intimidating. Similarly, having these conversations in a neutral location when you have time to talk and are in good moods can help them go more smoothly.
It goes without saying that if you can't have these conversations, you might want to rethink bondage. Similarly, if you don't feel able to use your safe word or respect a safe word when your partner uses it, bondage may not be for you.
You don't have to try everything at once—or at all.
It's okay if you're interested in a little "bedroom bondage" where your ankles and wrists are bound. You don't need to be hogtied or try suspension. After all, you're doing these activities because of the pleasure and connection they can bring, not for approval ratings. So only try what you're interested in and comfortable doing. Take your time before moving on or adding more elements. In fact, you may want to try all your new restraints one at a time. It might not seem like much to bind your wrists and put on a blindfold, but it can be quite intense! Instead, try regular sex with both before combining them.
You don't need to be a knot expert.
There's plenty of room for people who love creating beautiful ropework, but you don't need to be an expert before trying bondage. You don't even need to use rope if you don't like it. There are plenty of other cuffs, many of which are easy to use, to choose from. Check out our Beginner's Handcuffs, which can be attached to each other, other restraints, or potentially your bed. The Bed Bondage Restraint Kit is also great for turning your bed into bondage furniture with practically zero effort! Alternatively, bondage tape only sticks to itself and is easily cut.
You should pick your restraints carefully.
The ideas above are all beginner-friendly and relatively safe, but that isn't always the case. Often, people try bondage with neckties or silky scarves. While they might be accessible and seem sexy, they can also be dangerous! Materials like that typically tighten when someone strains against them, which can happen when you're in the throes of passion. It might be better to stick to items designed for safe bondage fun.
When it comes to rope specifically, remember that stretchy rope can sag, and cotton and hemp can cause rope burn. Nylon is an ideal material for bondage beginners.
Of course, everyone has different preferences. For example, you might not like metal handcuffs even though they're relatively safe because they're uncomfortable to use. It might be too easy to get out of Velcro cuffs, or you may want to use cuffs with other bondage gear. Keep this in mind when shopping around to ensure you don't regret your purchase.
You don't need to break the bank.
Many of the beginner-friendly items suggested above are relatively affordable. You absolutely can invest in handmade leather restraints or outfit a dungeon with bondage furniture, but it's not a requirement. A few staples or a coil of rope might be all you need to enjoy bondage.
You can restrain many body parts.
Wrists and ankles might seem like obvious body parts to restrain, but they're far from the only ones! You can restrain the mouth with a gag. Spreader bars attach to ankle cuffs to keep your legs open. There are hogtie kits, wrist cuffs that attach to thigh cuffs, arm binders, and more. Bondage sheets and furniture give you restraint points to get even more creative. Nipple clamps add intensity if that's what you're looking for. A blindfold or earplugs or earmuffs also count as bondage, and a hood goes even further. Even restrictive clothing can be employed for kinky purposes.
You might want to plan it.
No one is saying that you need to plan out every painstaking detail of your scenes, although some people might take pleasure in it. But if you're trying bondage or a specific toy for the first time, it can help to plan what you'll do, even if it's as simple as "You'll lie down, I'll tie your wrists, and then we'll have intercourse." You can even take it one step further by narrating what you're doing to put your partner at ease.
You should check in afterward.
Bondage and kinky activities can lead to a rush of hormones that impacts your body and mind. Remember that these effects can last for days! Bondage can also cause long-term nerve damage. Check in with your partner both immediately afterward when you might provide a drink, snack, or cuddles. A soothing balm, ice, or even antibiotic cream might be necessary after certain bondage activities. Then, check in a few days later to ensure that everything went well without a lasting (negative) impact. You might talk about things you'd like to change in the future or the things you enjoyed best.
With these myths about bondage busted, you can try your hand at tying someone up or being the person who's bound.